Life Rewind
Today is my birthday, and I am enjoying doing absolutely nothing! Okay I am writing this post, but that's beside the point! This morning just after 5:00 am, My hubby, second daughter, and I sent our first daughter off on a tennis and college tour trip to Chicago. My child has made it to the "Windy City" before me! I didn't get to take a sports trip by myself until I was in high school and on the track/cross country teams! Plus we were never gone for five days!!
As the family and I were watching the kids and coaches board bags, luggage, and themselves on the chartered bus, another parent took note of my calm demeanor. She said I seemed relaxed, like I have done this before. I have, for this is the third time I am seeing my daughter off on a five day trip to another state! This was the parent's first time sending her child off, who is just shy of a decade. My child had just turned a decade a few months before her first trip two years ago. Her tennis center was going to play in a tennis tournament in Ft. Lauderdale, FL.
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| My baby on her first away trip!. Photo by Kaisha S. Goring Copyright July 2013. All Rights reserved. |
Now as the concerned parent and I were talking about the Chicago trip, I began to sense her concerns and her feelings of separation anxiety. Like this mom, I too had concerns when my first born took her first trip without the family. I kept telling myself that she would be fine, because we have family in South Florida. It also turned out that my husband was starting a job there, and would be able to check in on her. However, just the thought of my daughter traveling without us was messing with my head. Also I was upset about the timing, because we had just come back from our vacation in Miami. I, nor my youngest daughter got to see my eldest play.
The second year my daughter left me was last year, and again around my birthday!! Not cool planners of these tennis trips! I did voice my opinion on that last year, but I see my opinion doesn't count with these trips (which are planned about a year in advance-uh so is our family vacation!). Just like the first trip, the separation anxiety was there. The problem was the lack of information about what the itinerary would be for the kids. Also that parents were not encouraged to come on the trip. So even if you wanted to come watch your child play, you had to find your own way.
Basically you have to trust that the center has your child's best interest at heart. But when you are a parent who is giving his/her child permission to go on a long trip such as this for the first time, you want all the information possible. You have a right to know where, when, why, what, and how your child will be taken care when away. If you want to travel to see your child, then you have a right to go (even if you pay for your expenses). I have come to understand that this how the center operates, but this kind of operation doesn't put a parent's separation anxiety to rest. Especially in this day and time, the unknown can be dangerous. This is why my child has a phone now, which has kept my mind at ease so far. I can now communicate and see what she is doing via Face Time (ah technology!).
Now Press Forward
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| My baby bright/ early this morning. Photo by Kaisha S. Goring Copyright July 2015. All Rights Reserved. |
As I have been writing throughout today, my mind has been wondering about my daughter being away. She knows it was a privilege and honor (in which she worked hard for) to go on this trip. She plays well, but also had to do her school work (most of her summer packet) before getting the okay to go from my husband and I. Yet, I keep thinking about the conversation I had with the parent this morning. It turns out she has family in Chicago, and like me (with Florida), has been thinking about going to check in on her child. I explained that the children were going on an educational trip, and that they were not playing the traditional type of tennis tournament. What I learned from my child last year is they play against other kids from other tennis centers from across the country. Their main purpose for the trip is to get a feel for college life on campus. Last year, the kids went to Tennessee State and Fisk University. Giving the children (some who never get to travel outside of where they live) a head start in thinking about college (also hopes of getting a tennis scholarship) is a great idea. I think every child should have an opportunity to travel and learn about higher education.
I will say the tennis center does have the kids best interests at heart, and I see what they are trying to do. They will if anything give the children an opportunity to think and see beyond. The kids get to experience life as a college student, yet at younger ages while still getting their tennis on. My concern again goes back to parents like the mom this morning and myself from two years ago. There has to be a better way to put our minds at ease. There should be a first time parent orientation or a parent liaison, who can explain how these trips work. Parents should not just get the" trust us" routine. Even though we get information on where they are going to be, time to leave, and what to bring (blankets, pillows, money, etc.), it still feels like we the parents are out of the loop. It is almost like our presence will hinder what the tennis center wants to do. Parents like me will feel less anxiety when our questions are answered.
So I think an opportunity has presented itself again, in which at least a discussion can be had with the administration about putting parent separation anxiety at ease. I will say the mom from this morning did say that I helped put her mind at ease. I am glad I was able to ease her separation anxiety for even a moment. Stay tuned for another installment of Life Rewinds, Now Press Forward.
Kaisha
Blog post Copyright July 6, 2015/July 7, 2015
All Rights Reserved.
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