Transitions: Invisible

Life Rewinds

Photo provided by K.S. Goring

"I would rather be invisible, because no one will see me coming."

 -K. N. Goring

This was my daughter's answer to a recent class question of the day. The      question asked if you would rather be invisible or super strong? Invisible. How many of us have wanted to be invisible or maybe have felt invisible? For my daughter, feeling invisible has been a regular occurrence for her when it comes to being in her classes. The reason would be because of four distinct words known as Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

I have heard this term throughout the years but was ignorant to its meaning. The term can have a negative connotation to some people. I was one who had negative thoughts to the word, because medication and hyperactivity always came to mind. Ritalin anyone? I never thought that I would be personally affected by the term, nor thought I would know other people affected by the term.  Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is defined as a neurodevelopment disorder that affects both children and adults which may include impulsivity, hyperactivity, and inattentiveness.

My child has a combination of all three symptoms, and has been doing her best to function in a society that doesn't understand her "super power." Let's start with the question of how many people even know that ADHD has an awareness month? Anyone? I can raise my hand to that, because I just discovered that the month of October is the ADHD awareness month. The awareness or lack there of is what is troubling.  Unlike the more known Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD doesn't get the same amount of interest and support. However, there are some similarities between the two.

Before my daughter was officially diagnosed with ADHD two years ago, there were signs pertaining to her expressive and receptive development. As a mother, I knew there was something wrong but couldn't pinpoint the issue. I believed at one point in time that my child could be on the Autism Spectrum. After undergoing intensive testing with different doctors and specialists, the term that I had been ignorant to understand was now associated with my daughter. What do we do now?

Now Press Forward

What do we do now meant educating ourselves about Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. It also meant making sure our daughter could still thrive in the school environment she was in. Meaning how could we (we being my husband, eldest daughter, and extended family/friends) accommodate my daughter at home and school? The school part would not be easy, because it's the one place my daughter had begun feeling invisible in the fourth grade. It would be the fourth grade where a reevaluation of speech, psychological, and occupational testing took place. The fourth grade was the next step to the final frontier (5th grade) of being in elementary school. 

It would be after the school year ended and during the summer that my daughter was issued an Individual Education Plan (IEP) for the upcoming school year. She was soon to be a part of the big kid crowd, but it would be difficult to make that transition. She was a small fish in a big pond of clicks. In a big pond of new fish coming in, she was beginning to get lost among the old and the new. She was to become misunderstood by her peers which lead to tears. Invisible, because no one saw her coming. No one saw Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder.

ADHD minds are... You can fill in the blank with an adjective of your choosing. I am able to fill in at least twenty-two adjectives and counting. How about you?  A couple of years ago after summer camp, my daughter came home feeling defeated. She had expressed to me a comment a counselor had made to her that day. The comment made to my daughter was about her not using her brain to answer a question  from one of her summer work packets. Can you imagine the hurt my child was feeling? 

It was not the easiest conversation had with the young adult counselor, but I believe he/she had gotten the gist of what I had explained about ADHD and my daughter. Maybe? I would have many more conservations with anyone who came in contact with my daughter. I would write letters to every teacher, adminstrator, and to the summer camp directors. Yet, I too began to feel invisible. People were hearing me, but were they listening? The what do we do now was beginning to take its toll mentally and physically. Stress.

As mentioned earlier, the invisiblity began in the fourth grade and would continue into the the fifth grade. Although there was an accomodation plan from the school and an official Individual Education Plan (IEP), not everything in her plan could be accommodated. Unfortunately, parents of ADHD super power kids and other learning abilities find themselves struggling with the process of school accommodations. Do you keep your child in the public or charter school system where there is supposed to be a special education program? Do you keep your child in a private school that may or may not be as accommodating? Do you then find the school that actually specializes in teaching special needs and has all the accommodations possible, but at what cost?

Regardless of what a parent decides to do with finding the right school system, the whole process is overwhelming. When the stress becomes to much to handle, the next best thing to do is to seek support. Seeking support is exactly what I did, and I thank the friends who are in this special club for helping me and my family. The Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD) is a national nonprofit organization that supports children and adults with ADHD. It's been a year since I joined the local chapter. It's a support place where my child hasn't felt invisible. She and her friends are learning how to use their ADHD Super Powers!

I hope by next October's awareness month, there is more acknowledgement of ADHD's existance and acceptance. For anyone wanting information on ADHD checkout www.chadd.org and www.additudemag.com. Until next time, remember that life rewinds but now press forward.

Kaisha

Blog post ©November 2, 2020
All Rights Reserved.

Transitions: What I Learned About Distance Learning Part 1

Life Rewind

"Hey Ma (those two words usually more exaggerated), I need to download this  App for school." This would be one of many texts I would receive from my eldest teen daughter throughout the 2019-2020 school year. I would receive a text at any time of the day, which left me wondering what was she doing with her cellphone in class? Now when she was first given a cellphone at age 12, I had written up a contract she had to read, sign, and follow. This contract would include getting permission from me or her father to download certain applications. Hence, I would receive notification from the App Store asking for my permission to download games and other applications. In the technology world that we're in, I wanted her to be careful with all the applications that are being offered. 

When it comes to an educational application like Google Classroom, I had no problem granting permission to download. But wait, all I knew about Google was that it's a search engine of information (oh I forgot Blogger!) for anything you want to know. You want to know about your favorite celebrity? You just Google him or her. Want to know the latest fashion trend? You just Google it. Heck, you can even Google yourself. So what's this Google Classroom about? My teen explained her school would be using this application to submit their homework assignments and projects. It sounded good, for it involved school. Right?

I am in PANIC mode! It's the weekend of March 28-29, 2020 and I must download Zoom and Google Classroom on my iPhone and iPad, before the start of distance learning the next day March 30, 2020. I am reading an extensive email on the procedures of both applications via my youngest teen's school. This would be the first time her school is using this digital learning platform. It's MANDATORY to be enrolled and not optional. Wait, what the heck is Zoom and you want me to do what now? It's an application for meetings, and there are meeting codes being provided by the teachers. There are individual classroom codes I need to access and by the way, class starts at 8:00 am in which my student must be logged on. Mind you this conversation is happening in my head as I am reading the email. I received the email in my inbox this particular weekend, which is why I was in panic mode.

Now Press Forward

For the first three weeks of distance learning, my stress level was through the roof. I was so tense that I literally was having a meltdown. My stress was manifesting itself inside the nerves (feeling of pins and needles) of my hands and my head. If you remember from a previous post, I had bailed out of my MRI appointment because of an anxiety/panic attack. When I was finally able to go back by conquering my fears, my results showed that was having STRESS headaches. The imaging had NOT changed from my first MRI ten years earlier (loss of hearing in left ear). I was practically worrying about everything that I had no control over. This COVID-19 pandemic added to my worries because it forced me and my family to learn something new-how to learn by virtual distance.

When it comes to new technology and applications, I am willing to learn. At home, I am the go-to Mom. The printer needs fixing-go to Mom. The computer is doing something crazy-go to Mom. When it came to learning Google Classroom and Zoom, the go-to person was my eldest teen daughter (aka teen1). Thank God her school had been using the application for a few years and she knew what to do. I desperately needed her help. Remember I only had 24 hours to figure out classroom codes and Zoom links before the start of the rest of the 2019-2020 school year distance learning. I wish we had been given more time to prepare.

 "Your iPad mini is ancient," was my eldest daughter's response when we began having audio issues. My youngest daughter (aka teen2) was able to see and hear the teachers and classmates via Zoom.        But when it came to teen2 responding back to questions, the teachers and classmates couldn't hear. She was feeling invisible and she was having difficulty responding in the Zoom chat. Stress level on the rise! There was more to just having Google Classroom. I needed Google Drive, Google Slide, Google Docs, Gmail, Google Chrome, etc. to be downloaded on my iPhone! Oh, and I needed to make sure I had plenty of printer ink and paper for my home printer. Stress level still rising! 

 

My meltdown finally happened when I watched my teen2 trying to do her best to keep up. The school work was overwhelming, she felt like she couldn't participate because she felt invisible. I will go more into detail about her learning with part two of what I learned about distance learning. Let's just say a conversation had taken place. God help me. We were having difficulty trying to complete work on the iPad. So I had to print out the homework, take a picture and submit through Google Classroom or email to the teachers. Also, the audio was still an issue. Through that conversation, a technical solution was given. I learned to be humble and that God makes things happen. I learned that I seriously needed to bring my stress level down. With that said, below is my copied, pasted, and humbled April 17, 2020, FB post:

Gmorning FB family and friends! We’ve made it to another blessed Friday. It’s been a draining week. So I must first give praise and thanks to God for keeping me in the fold. I must thank my wonderful hubby Wayne Goring for keeping me grounded. Kudos to him working hard for the District. Thank you to my children for continuing to learn through distance. Shoutout to the teen for tutoring the tween and myself on how to use Google classroom and Zoom. It’s been a struggle to point of mama had a meltdown!🤯 Thank you to my Break of Dawn coworker KL for calling me. Can’t wait for the bbq with AK when this pandemic subsides! Thank you to my cousins keeping it real and having fun on our thread! Thank you to my girlfriend TK for letting me vent, but for giving me your perspective. Thank you to my parents and siblings for the memes of laughter (sista) 🤣and conversation. Thank you FB family and friends for sharing on this platform of connection.️ Finally, praise God for making things possible. There was a technology need (hence mama meltdown), and tween’s school administrators and teachers made it happen. Thank you.🏾

 

Until part two, life rewinds but now press forward.

Kaisha

Blog post ©October 1, 2020
All Rights Reserved.